Making of a Criminal
by Ranwolf
Summary: In a world where Supervillians are extinct, aliens never invade and most of the world's population has somekind of power, what can a young powerless man do to aliviate the tedium of a peaceful world?


Making of a Criminal  
by Ranwolf (ranwolf@hotmail.com) 

If one were to look up the word "Villain" in the dictionary, it would read: "A vile, wicked person; a man extremely depraved, and capable or guilty of great crimes". Unfortunately there hasn't been a villian on earth in fifty years. Let alone a "supervillain". 

My name is Ralph Jones, and I'm one of half the population of Earth without superpowers whatsoever. I was ordinary, my sister was ordinary, my parents were ordinary. But almost everyone I've ever met was a superhuman. The world was at peace, there was no crime (unless you count graphitti and the occasional fight), no curruption, and very little poverty (there was a population of .0001% worldwide). 

Everyday I would get up, brush my teeth and go downstairs and eat breakfast. The t.v. news would drone on how Superman saved a town from being wiped out from a collapsed dam. Or howStorm brought a much needed downpour to a region in Africa in the middle of a major drought. It was the samething everyday. And to be honest, it got boring. 

I mean, there hasn't been a alien invasion since the 1960's. 

Then one day, while watching Jassie Quick make short work of Central Park's Great Lawn, it hit me. I'll be a villain! Since I didn't anykind of special powers, I could rob banks or kidnap people... or something. Maybe I could get some help. A government Grant or something. 

A week later, I managed to get an appointment with the Mayor of New York, Susan Richards, a.k.a The Invisible Woman. She was an attractive blond woman in her early thirtie's. I was alittle surprised to see she wore her Fantastic Four uniform. 

I shook her hand and she asked me to take a seat. "What can I do for you, Mr.Jones?" 

"I wanted to talk to you about the crime rate in the city." 

"Crime?," Mayor Richards asked, her brow furrowed in consternation. "Mr.Jones, there is no crime in New York. Or most of the world for that matter." 

That's my point exactly," I replied. "Mayor, this city is made up of... what? 60, 70% superhumans? And what do they do with their powers?" 

"Not much, I'm afraid," the blond mayor said. 

"Exactly, They could do so much good for this city, yet they can't seem to find anything worth while. Hell, last week I saw Jessie Quick, one of the fastest people on the planet, mowing the Great Lawn. If you ask me that's a serious waste of her talents." 

"I agree with you, Mr.Jones," Mayor Richards replied. She clasped her hands and placed her chin on them. "But what would you have me do? Create criminals out of thin air?" 

"No. But I was thinking I would become a vilain." 

The invisible Woman's eyes boggled close to the point of bursting. "WH-what?!?!" It was all I could do to keep from laughing my head off from her reaction. 

"Calm down, Mayor. Let me explain..." I told her my idea and my reasons. I had thought about this for some time, I even went over this with my cousin, Sage. I tell you, she's a frickin' goddess when it comes to planning things. 

After five minutes I had her hooked. 

"Mr.Jones," Mayor Richards said, I can tell she liked the idea by the way she was grinning. "I'm impressed by your plan. It's very ambitious and will provide a service to the superhuman community." I started grinning, I already had my first "crime" picked out. "But..." My smile faulted. Should've known there'd be a catch. 

"But..." I said. 

"I'd have to run this by the city council. But I don't think convincing them would be a problem." 

The next few month's was a blur of activity. The city council unaimously agreed to funding the project. That included an office, staff, uniform and equipment. I spent a month with Dragon and Nathan Summers for weapons training and Shang-Chi for martial arts. I don't know how he did it, but I was a third Dan in several fighting styles by winters end. 

The fashion designer Janet Van Dyne created several costumes for me that looked really cool. Though I was probably in the training I had, I was self concious about how form-fitting the costume was. I think I insulted her when I asked for a costume that wasn't so tight. 

By the time I was ready for my first crime I already became a minor celebrity. I was on talkshows and was featured in "Time" Magazine. I even got an offer to do a layout for "Playgirl". I said no. 

I pulled up to First National Bank in Midtown. The motorcycle Forge made for me was a dream to ride. I spent half the day just riding around before I decided it was time to get to work. As I got off the bike I noticed a patrol car heading towards me. My body went rigid as the car slowed and I noticed the two officers eyeballing me. I was decked out in a military-style stormtrooper outfit with two high tech pistols Forge had also designed for me straped to my hips. 

I nearly pissed myself when the cops grinned and waved. The one closest to me even said: "Good luck." 

After calming my nerves, I entered the bank. There were maybe two dozen people in the bank and half of that were employees. I withdrew one of the guns, aimed at the ceiling and let two fly. I startled everyone. When I had everyones attention I cleared my throat and said: "Ladies and gentlemen, if I may have your attention. Will you kindly raise your hand, if you are are a mutant, a cyborg, genitically engineereed or superhuman in any way, shape, or form." I wasn't too shocked to see everyone but two tellers and a single customer comply. "Alright. Everyone who raised their hand, please exit the building single file." 

There was some grumblling from the superhumans, mostly about not being able to finish their business. One old man gave me a withering glare and muttered something about being a year or two younger. 

A pretty asian girl, about shoulder height to me and wearing a black outfit with a gold, batshaped outline stenciled onto her top stopped in front of me before exiting the door. 

"Is something wrong?," I asked politely. I maybe robbing the place, but I didn't have to be rude about it. 

"Can... I stay?," she asked haltedly, as if she wasn't used to talking all that much. 

"Huh?" 

"I... never saw a crime... before." 

I blinked a few times at her, surprised by the request. "Ehh..." I wasn't sure what to do. 

"I won't... interfere." She seemed to know how I felt. Telepath? "Promise," she added. 

I sighed. "Alright as long as you just watch." 

She smiled brightly and made her way back to where she was. I never could say no to a pretty girl. 

"Why does she get to stay?" A man wearing a green outfit and a glowing ring asked. 

"Pardon?" 

"Green Lanterns, right." A elf-like woman with blue skin said. "That's not exactly fair, Mr.Johnson." Suddenly everyone started complaining about not being able to stay. 

"Christ on a cruch," I muttered. Didn't these people realize I'm trying to do my job? "Everyone... everyone..." They weren't listening. Annoyed, I fired off two more shots into the ceiling. Bits of plaster and dust rained down around me. They all settled down. "Alright already! You guys can stay if you promise not to interfere with my job." 

They all consented and went to their places smiling and chatting amicably. Captain America patted me on the shoulder before he went back to his Bank Manager's desk. "Son, for a crook you a nice guy." 

"It's my gift, it's my curse," I replied. Cap gave me a look. "Sorry, always wanted to say that." 

After that the only snag, was one of the tellers went into a major giggle fit when I emanded she put money into a leatherbag I tossed her. When I had all the money I felt I could reasonbly carry, I asked for a volunteer to be pistolwhiped, explaining I had to make the illusion of being a vicious criminal. A green-skinned woman with a blond mohawk stepped forward. 

"You sure about this?," I asked. 

"Gimme your best shot," she replied. 

So I did. The gun shattered on contact with her chin and my arm felt numb from the impact. But she was still standing. 

When feeling returned to my arm, I gathered my loot. The girl in black, Cassandra, handed me one money bag when I dropped it. I thanked her and she blushed a little. 

As I headed towards the exit I was surprised by the applause my "victims" were giving me. I smiled and gave them the thumbs up. 

I rushed out of the bank and stowed the money into the bags on my bike. I was just about to get on my when i was suddenly yanked off my feet and was dangling ten feet off the ground. "What the hell?!?" 

Off to my left a man in a red and blue costume was clinging to the side of the building. "Hello, Mr.Jones!," he said cheerfully. 

"Spider-man!!," I yelled. Down below the people from the bank rushed out to see what was happening. 

"You've been a bad boy, Mr.Jones," Spider-man said. I could tell he was grinning under the mask. 

I chuckled, relaxing while still suspended. "Yeah, well." I shrugged. "You could've at least let me get a couple blocks away first." 

"Sorry," he apolized. 

"S'o.k You gonna take me to jail or what?" He did. I spent two days in the Twenty-third Precinct. My trial was only for show. I was found guilty for bank robbery and assault and sentenced to time served. 

That was the beginning of my Careed as a criminal. Eventually I became a "supervillain", but that's another story. 


End file.
